A Beginning

My story begins many years ago, when I was a child attending Catholic School. My fifth grade year was a challenge for me, especially in religion class, where, because of my incessant questioning and my refusal to accept “because Jesus said so” as a viable answer to anything, I ended up with a permanent seat in the hallway for the year and was told that I needed to read and re-read the Bible until I learned to love Jesus enough to participate in the class. It was after transferring to public school in seventh grade that I took a field trip to meet a “real live Native American!” This man brought us to the Susquehanna River and we hiked the trail that curved its bank. He pointed out different plants, animals tracks and other things to us. Then, he asked us to stand in a circle, be still and listen. It was at that moment that I found out that trees can talk – not like reciting Shakespeare or performing some epic monologue – but it was in that specific moment that I felt very connected, like I was a part of something bigger than my school group, my town, my state…It was a very different place for me to be, especially coming from years of Catholic school upbringing. It was a moment in time where I wasn’t expected to define anything or to explain anything. It didn’t matter what Jesus thought about it. It was a moment where I was allowed to stand as a witness, as an observer, without judgment or opinion. Little did I know as a seventh grader standing in the woods that this first taste of existentialism would be so similar to experiences that I would have later in life when my path took my down a more Eastern way of thinking and perceiving the world around me. After the field trip experience, I started to research Native American beliefs. That led me to research Shamanism and folk magic and things of that nature. That led me to look into Paganism, which led into Wicca. After about three years of working in a coven, I decided that I needed something different…something more. I wanted something that would make me feel like that kid standing in the woods again…something that would make me feel connected. I decided that I was going to delve into Eastern thought. This was a topic that always fascinated me…the geography of Asia, the cultures, the people, the food, the music…I have a feeling that I probably spent a past life or two in either India, Tibet or Japan…but that’s neither here nor there. I have always had a connection to the East, so beginning to study and read about the philosophies and faiths from that part of the world seemed like a good idea. And it was. It truly was. I spent years studying Buddhism, finding that I connected the best with Zen Buddhism. Tracing Zen back to it’s roots in Chinese philosophy allowed me to start to read different perspectives, including much of the writings and teachings associated with Taoism. Again, it was in the works of Lao Tzu, Zhuangzi and others, I found something that made sense to me. When I was in college, I took a philosophy course dealing with comparative religion. I liked that so much, that a few years later, I started taking classes through a seminary, and in 2008 received a Masters in Comparative Religion. It was in this time that I rounded out a lot of my personal study of the Eastern faiths, including Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, Jainism…

About a year ago, my life changed. If you are familiar with Tarot, I had entered a cyclone that was like the Tower card come to life. The events of a year ago caused every single aspect of my life and everything that I surrounded myself with to change. My relationships changed. My home changed. My diet changed. My health changed. These were all changes that were long overdue and that, ultimately, I controlled. This was one of the best things that I could have ever done for myself. However, as a result of so much changing, I had a bit of a crisis of faith. With my focus turned to the mundane and the physical, I really lost touch with more esoteric and spiritual parts of myself. I remember very distinctly one night when I was standing in my nearly empty apartment thinking to myself, “now what?” I was a pre-teen all over again…standing in the center of a space, thinking, listening, waiting for something to happen. I flashed back to standing in the woods with the Native American guide, being directed to witness without judgment. Except this time, I was not in a circle of people. I didn’t have a guide. I was alone. At that moment I was indeed small…just one speck that is part of a much bigger whole. Again, I asked out loud, “now what?” I was instructed by “my people” in a meditation that I should return to some of that Eastern thought that made me feel so connected years ago, that what I was doing in my life was not only very cathartic, but also very Zen as well as very Taoist in many aspects. Returning to a basic state of living, a basic state of mind. Focusing on the internal as well as how I was living in conjunction with the world around me. I was encouraged that as I turned my focus more to Eastern thought again, that things would begin to make sense, reconnect, and reshape into a new way for me to live my life. I started re-reading and re-analyzing the ideals and philosophies that I had read about years past, and found that I was able to understand them in a very different way than I did the first time I encountered them.

Present day, I am still reading and researching and looking to find that connection to the more enlightened mind again. I started to journal my interpretations and understandings of the material I was reading and decided that it was part of my journey to share my experience and interpretation with the public, hence this blog. I hope to share with you my thoughts and gleanings as I work to find my own personal connection to the spark of the divine, my own path to truth. Over the course and life of this blog, it is my goal to speak directly to several different philosophical questions and ideals posed by thousands of years of Eastern history and philosophy, and to give my personal feelings and interpretations of them…how Eastern thought is translated in a Western mind. Be sure to check in often for new insight, recommendations, personal reflection and to join the conversation!

Namaste
~J